新工作刚开始没多久, 以前都是小公司, 这次换个大的. 文化差异挺大的. 唉, 一直跟我的TEAMMATE一个GAY处不来, 他人也挺好,可是我们可能性格差异比较大,所以一有需要共同商量讨论的地方就特别费劲. 我们是开敞的办公环境, 我和他的STATION是挨着的. 平时我有时候说话,他总要来一句"Excuse me" .现在我也习惯了. 可是,今天他居然说"i cannot understand a single word you talked about".我太郁闷了. 是我说话声音太小? 他是认真的还是开玩笑的...我觉得很HURT. NICE的话, 应该说"大点声"或者"再说一便". 挺侮辱人的

JMS说说我该怎么看呀...你们平时工作不开心跟谁说呀...怎么改变这种状况...我这人情商太太差.  真心希望大家帮一把.

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-6-21 21:08:56编辑过]

挨在一起的合不来的同事，是挺郁闷的。

可以先分析一下他说这话的原因吧，暂时想到了两点，一是这个人本生看不起非英语母语的人，二是他的确有困难听懂你的英语。

情况一就比较难办了，如果是二的话你还可以做些事情来改善，说话时节奏放慢了，单词尽量发标准了。还有说有没工作的时候聊聊天了。总之多沟通吧。

sorry I have no Chinese input now.

Thanks amigoinca mm's analysis. it is like a bad recycle. The more those words he commented, the seldom I want to open mouth to communicate with him.  

Do you guys normally communicate a lot with coworkers to improve English? What topics do you talk about? I am not a sports fun, neither a political news fun. I surf a lot here but seems not a good choice to talk about.

another hard thing for me is "take it easy". I am too serious most of the time. I wish to change but do not know how.

Um, that is a good way to go. Last time, he said, some letters I pronounced too weak to catch for him. I should just keep asking him what letters and what the right way to pronounce them.

I am like a crane. Whenever someone criticise me, I blush first and then try to hide away. Totally forget the things to ask. My bad.

My concern is that will they feel bored or tired of your asking English questions all the time?

我觉得你这个同事这么说挺过分的，很有可能是不喜欢英语是母语的人。

换过来想，他是GAY，受到的歧视肯定也不少，或者是他被人歧视的多了，需要找个对象发泄吧。

换作是我，他这么说我会觉得OFFENDED，跟他做点头之交就好了。如果他的态度一直这样，没必要刻意跟他拉关系，除非他是上司。

重新看了一遍MM的贴子，发现也有可能是MM的口语确实差一点，他说EXCUSE ME的时候应该就是没听懂MM说的内容。

如果是这样的话就要想办法练练口语了。

You said you read through again and thinks maybe it might really be the problem of my spoken English. Did you mean you found out because of my written expression is pretty bad too? if that is the case, could you point out a little bit?

I just feel it is hard to find someone to help you on improving whatever you need to. say, nobody will directly say your sentense is wrong, your pronounciation is wrong, not even talk about wrong manners, pessimistic attitude. They are nice to you all the time. That is one reason why I ended up like this. Even have been in this country for almost 6 years, I still have serious problem with communication. What a shame.

Do criticise what you think is not right and will help on other people's growth.

your English can't be bad, not even your spoken Engllish!!

I used to deal with a British gay man a lot and he's the bossman two levels above me. Honestly speaking, that gay man was just "emotionally amusive", intelligent indeed I admit, but he sucked big time showing respect to others...I was truely defeated and felt downhearted for months, not because of work, but because of his attitude and the way I had to communicate with him (and also for the messy managment structure, it's not even clear whom I should report to, I had two bosses at the same time, one on the management side, the other more toward the technical side). I wondered, why each time after I talked to him I felt like shit?! Of course you can imagine I was not the only one who had this problem with him...He did give me praises now and then, but still, my self-esteem was beat on hard, hehe...

Take it easy, and maybe you can google some tips to "fight" with "emoitonally abusive" people, and also, be confident when you talk to him (I think confidence is the key) and silently remind yourself that you have your unique capabilities and values and you deserve all respects.

Look at the bright side, maybe you gotta conqure some hurdles before you hit some goldmine

wow, situation is so similar. I have 2 bosses too. well, he is not exactly a boss, but he is a team member who has much more experience than  me and he got onto the project even earlier than the PM. yeah, it is confusing. Sometimes he is nice and encouraging but all of a sudden he can be bossy and rude. I even thought about asking his PERSONALITY TYPE. so, What did you do finally to get along with him? Any tricks? um, I should be more self-confident.

Almost the end of Thursday. I will ask more tonight in Chinese.

I didn't really get along with him, I just let it be...Since I became passive about my work for a while (and still am, sort of), I used the time to think more about myself. I'm a strong believer that if I'm more mature mentally and psycologically and know myself better, his abusiveness won't affect me, and I believe that gay man sensed my changes, hehe

I really really admire people with strong mindset. I can be strong on my own. I know what I should do or learn. But when it comes to communication, my mind fainted away. It is not like wearing a dress, even other people think it is ugly, you still can be proud and feel very good about it. But for communication, I will always question if there is something wrong I did that offensed other people so they do not like me. Or I should just change the way I am communicating.

It has been 2 days. I decided to learn "take it easy". So, I greeted him in the morning and asked him questions as nothing happened. He was alrite with me. Another issue is I feel afraid to ask other people questions b4 checking with him since he will get unhappy when I did not ask him. It is a totally open working environment, so there is no way for me to just "quietly" ask other people. Only when he cannot give me an answer, I feel free to ask others since we are doing the same project and he got more experience. I hate it. totally. 

same here again... I needed direct answers from the developers but that gay man totally shut it down and "forced" me to ask him first and then he gather the answers...I understand where he stood that he wanted the programmers to be less interrupted, but come on, the way he handled it was like a secretary...anyway, he's extremely articulate, and when I "fighted" with him I could not win verbally, but I knew in practice, the way he planned didn't work whatever, it's passed...

stop questioning yourself, and don't be self-critical..."YOU ARE THE BEST", 良性心理暗示works

ha, interesting to know this similar situation. en, i will try that psychological hint. Thanks Candyheart for keep replying me. I feel encouraged. Sometimes it is hard to find answers from the web like turningleaf mm, but I am more lucky? ;-)

I read through all your words, no offense, you do have some problems

on the language and the way of thinking, especially on how to improve

it. Don't rely on others to tell you how to speak, try to learn how,

that's easy, through TV shows,news, dramas, movies and a lot more.