Sorry, I am using my office computer, so no chinese input.

One of the reasons why I give this post is to increase my performance points in this board. Too many good articles here that I can't read due to my low points.

Ok, now is my story. I am an electrical engineering and got my Ph.D degree back in China. No education in States. So you can image my English skill.

I have already worked in this company for almost two years. This is my first job in states. The language pressure is there all the time. But it is O.K. I think it is the matter of time. Once I am working on it, it will get better. However the pressure from one of my co-worker sometimes almost drive me crazy.

The guy who gave me throuble is my internal customer and teammate as well. Due to this complicated business relationship, I do my best to maintain the good relationship with him. He has been serving the company for more than ten years and is rich experienced. I have no doubt about his experience. His academic background is also quite good. But he is not aways correct. Nobody does.

Several days ago, we had a discussion on one project to see whether his suggestion is feasible or not. I asked how he calculated one value which is important to decidse the feasibility. He became so anguish immediatly. I tried to be nice but it was very hard to make the discussion smoothly flow afterwards. He even questioned my education. I was so angry that I couldn't say any words in front of him, partailly because of my poor english. After long time of my silence and his questioning, he left my office. Personally, I don't want to see him any more. But the reality is we work in the same company and we are the only two electrical engineers. We definitely have to work together. There is no excuse about it. Fortunately, he is not my boss.

My husband told me it is because I am fresh and not tough. In the workplace, dog eat dog. But this guy has ten years of experience. What can support me to be tough with him? Plus I really don't know how to be tough.

Now i decided to interact with him only for business reason. That is it. I will learn through other source by myself. He is not the only one with experience in this world.

I am still in the bad mood because of this incidence. Very hard to step out. I really need some suggestions about how to handle this and improve my english.

[此贴子已经被Alexandria于2006-1-30 8:54:57编辑过]

In my opinion, It's really hard to be tough at work for a girl, a foreigner and a new guy.

I'm new to my company too, very limited experience, poor English, and I'm not tough at all.

Fortunately, all my co-workers are very nice, especially my boss.

Maybe the way you said it offended him. Sometime it's hard to be polite but straight forward. Have to learn from how Ameicans speak. There IS a lot to learn, how to express yourself politically right but to the point.

For example, we just did a project and becuase of the incorrect information the other group gave to us, we had to face a lot of pressure in front of the customers. So here's what my boss communicated to the other group's boss:

There were 2 major pieces of this project and I fell our group was misled on both pieces. To be confident, good people did hard work, sometime with very short notice to complete. But to fix this, our group was under extreme pressure in a very short period of time and had to spend the resources and time we don't have. The good news is, all involved have been helping to get it resolved and now the remedy is in place and our customers are protected.

He told me he could have said the truth: XXX in your group screwed us big time but it won't help in any way. After he said the above, the other group's leader agreed that they made the mistake and the guy who's responsible is very upset and embarrassed.

I think situations like this, are opportunities where we could learn. I wouldn't said it as smoothly as my boss did and the other group's leader didn't feel offended at all.

Maybe the way you said it offended him. Sometime it's hard to be polite but straight forward. Have to learn from how Ameicans speak. There IS a lot to learn, how to express yourself politically right but to the point.

Strongly agree. Good leaders can be tough yet graceful.

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-1-26 17:47:15编辑过]

Totally agree. I admire my boss so much that he can always express his opinion in a polite and "politically correct" way that does not hurt anybody but to the best of himself's (his team's) advantage. Also, as technical person originally trained in China, we tend to focus on the "numbers" too much but neglect the reason behind it. I find that in a heated disucssion, if one focus on the reasoning and big picture of his/her opinion rather than the details, it usually helps a lot in the communication.

JJ的故事使我想到自己的现状.

我来US也不过2年半,是现在的公司里唯一的中国人.我现在不仅要执行设计,还要负责说服设计组改设计上的不妥.我发现让大家承认设计的错误是件非常非常困难的事情.我不仅要在会议上把过去当前将来的问题灌输给每一个人,还要跟那些"聪明绝顶"的顽固派据理力争甚至吵架.

English能力真的是非常非常的重要,当我们正而八经要聪明地使用的时候,就会发现平时自觉得很拽的东东根本就不够用.

我比你幸运的是,虽然我的蹩脚英语颇锻炼听众的耐心,但大部分人都会耐心地听我讲并真正地考虑进去.当然部分是因为他们涵养好,不过主要的原因是,他们自己认识到我的观点make great sense.

In your shoes,根据我自己的经验,我有几点建议:

1.平时注意自己的人际形象.如果你给所有人的印象都是友善,礼貌和颇具能力的,没有人不愿意跟你打交道.

2.友善礼貌的代价并不是要你隐藏自己的价值,一有机会,一定要适当充分地显示你自己的能力.就是说,不仅要让别人意识到你是个"好人",更要让他们意识到你是个"值得的人".适当地aggressive一些,让别人觉得你是个有self-esteem的人.

3.不要Hide你的弱点,但是要给别人看见你正在English上making progress.

4.如果你觉得在说会议上问不清楚,那就在会下问;在大庭广众下提问,会让那些小心眼的人觉得是冒犯.

5.如果你觉得说不清楚,那就发email去问,我们的writing skill往往比speaking要好很多.

6.最后一点最重要,我们English上的缺陷,很大程度上不是speaking,而是listening.如果对方觉得你在没搞懂他的意思的情况下就反应或发问,会很不开心.

自己的一点小经验,希望有用.

Thanks a lot to everybody here. Very good points.

I think about the issue again last night and discussed with my husband. Since the guy has more than ten years'experience and know much more than me especially the field problem, I gave him a lot of respection. I kind feel nothing in front of him. This is the problem: I didn't give my own opnion the deserved respect. I should believe in what I think is correct and accept the mistakes if I made. Otherwise I would take all the blame. Since we are the only two electrical engineers, my husband suggested that I definetly should spend more extra time to study and learn so that I can defend myself better if something happenes again.

So I spoke out my points in front of my boss: the project (proposed by this guy) doesn't have clear objectives and there are some contradictions between the suggestion and the real problem in the field...... SOme clarification should be made before we proceed the project. Guess what this guy said: he agree what i said.

Personally I think, most of asian girls are too soft (correct me if I am wrong). This is the way how the culture raise us.

I have long way to go as far as technical knowledge, communication skill and self establishment is concerned. I take the suggestions given by all of you. It is my new year resoltution.

By the way, happy chinese new year and good fortune!!

Very well done!

Thank you and good luck!

用英文讲话不光是语言本身的问题,更深层次上是文化差异和对文化理解的问题.俗话说到哪个山上唱哪个歌.用中式思维表达英文,就可能会造成词不达意,或者因为表达的太直接,没有技巧,别人接受不了.

观察一下美国人教育小孩的方式,鼓励为多,很少批评和指责,这和中国家长式的教育有很大的差别.所以在这种环境成长下的美国人,当然受不了太直白的被人指出错误了.所以在和他们沟通的时候,态度一定要POSITIVE,并本着就事不就人的态度.下面是几个小技巧:

1.开场总是积极的,说:

That's a good point.

Good idea.

Good job.

That makes sense.

即使不同意,也不要急于反驳.可以说,

I agree, but....

I understand where you are coming from, but...

2.在指出问题的时候,尽量用被动语太instead of 主动语态.比较这两种说法给人的感觉:

- You need to get this done by next week.

- This needs to be done by next week.

3.在指出问题和传达坏消息的时候,TONE很重要,要very postive.就象写文章的时候,一定要在最后笔峰一转,变为积极向上.即使是失败,也要强调lessons are learned,不见得是件坏事.具体例子,上面的MM给出她老板给别的组的信,就是一个完美的例子.

职场上最忌讳的是pointing fingers, but never provide constructive solutions.

Just my 2 cents.

Good job. That makes sense.

Dharma mm,你说的我很赞同，这不仅对正在工作的mm,对于正在学习和将要走向工作的mm都有帮助。mm要不要也开个帖子，讲讲你的经历，找工作的和工作中的故事。偶会记得给红包阿

mm也开个专贴讲讲你的经历把，偶也不忘发钱哦