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Undressed! Golden Globes

By Kat Giantis

1.Brash and Carey: Here's a little fashion tip that might serve Mariah Carey well in the future: If, after you've shoehorned yourself into a second-skin gown, you discover that your profile looks more than a little like a question mark, it's time to cut yourself out of your constricting couture and head back to the closet. Although this black and white halter dress from Chanel (let's just give Coco Chanel a second to roll over in her grave. OK, moving on ... ) is an ever-so-slight improvement over the cleavage-wielding diva's previous clinging-on-for-dear-life costumes, it does nothing to highlight her fantastically rounded form and instead emphasizes and exposes all the wrong places. The final raiment result is a whole lotta mermaid, a little bit seal and a pinch penguin -- in other words, it's all wet. Also doing Mariah few favors are her blond-on-blond slicked-back 'do and the puff pastry she has planted on the back of her noggin.

2.Green Peeve:

Oh Drew. Oh honey, no. No. No. No. Did Kermit teach you nothing? You know it's not easy being green (or Mrs. Tom Green, for that matter, as you learned the hard way), but it's so much more difficult when you flagrantly flaunt your lack of foundation garments in a frightfully unflattering Gucci gown. And please, we're begging you, quit slouching, because if you lean forward any more, your gravity-succumbing décolletage is in danger of either being trapped in your frock's unsightly attached belt or swallowed whole by its ruffled cap sleeves. Seriously, we think you're cute as a bug's ear, even with your weary-to-the-point-of-catatonic tresses and misguided makeup, but this execrable ensemble truly pains us and leaves us no choice but to resort to the words of E.T. and say, "Ouch."

3.Sling Not:

Pamela Anderson deserves kudos for her valiant attempt to class up her image by covering up her tremendous talents in a vintage black and white column from Bill Blass. Too bad the hypermammiferous bombshell's demure draping neckline bears a scary resemblance to a tightly strapped-on baby sling with a pair of twins wriggling inside. Fortunately, Pam's efforts to tone things down succeed far better with her makeup, as she opts for a soft and understated palette as opposed to her usual drag-queen-with-a-spray-gun war paint.

4.Second-Hand Pose:

Reese Witherspoon was probably inundated with offers from designers desperate to dress her for the Golden Globes. So how the heck did she end up in the same too simple vintage Chanel dress that Kirsten Dunst wore on the Globe party circuit three years ago? Yup, the poised, pretty and perfectly coiffed Reese collected her Best Actress prize for "Walk the Line" in hand-me-down haute couture, a fashion faux pas that's right up there with the socks-and-sandals combo and visible panty line. And although this glittery gold and off-white A-line frock is fun and flirty, it lacks that certain element of class and elegance we've come to expect from the fabulous Mrs. Phillippe.

5.Double Scoop:

And the award for the most overexposed bosom in Hollywood goes to ... Scarlett Johansson! The pneumatic starlet's exhausted assets should stage a cleavage coup and start demanding a portion of her paycheck, 'cause lately they seem to be doing much of the heavy lifting (here, they get a little help from the built-in pushup bra sewn into her sexy but run-of-the-mill red Valentino gown). Though there's nothing wrong with Scarlett showing off the preternatural perkiness found only in 21-year-old It Girls (as verified by a touchy-feely Isaac Mizrahi on the red carpet), she seems to think the phrase "taking it on the chin" means cramming her breasts into a breathtaking scoop neck bodice (and we mean that "breathtaking" part literally) and jacking them up to gravity-defying heights.

6.From Here to Maternity:

Somewhere, a temple is missing a fertility goddess. An expectant Gwyneth Paltrow models a flowing, fussy cream Balenciaga dress that would be the perfect thing to wear if you were a virgin about to be sacrificed to a mythical beast. Or were re-enacting scenes from your favorite Jane Austen flick (we're guessing the Oscar winner has a soft spot for "Emma"). Or perhaps playing Wench No. 2 at the Renaissance Fair. But on the red carpet, the swelling star's style falls somewhere short of divine and has us down on our knees praying that her maternal fashion instinct kicks in before the Oscars.

7.Brief Encounter:

Ever had that dream in which you find yourself in front of a huge crowd of people clad only in your undies? It's turned into a waking nightmare for Alanis Morissette, who arrives at the Golden Globes wearing nothing but her grandma's nude-hued strapless girdle and a hiked-up slip with a heartbreaking elastic waistband. The pop queen-turned-dowager finishes her dumpy, dated look by styling Heather Locklear's feathered 'do from Dynasty, circa 1981, and slipping into Bjorn Borg's equally outmoded terry-cloth wristbands, which she has unwisely blinged out for the occasion.

8.Droop Dead Gorgeous:

Supermodel, style thyself. Heidi Klum suffers some serious separation anxiety as her dangerously sagging sweetheart neckline seems to be unsuccessfully attempting to slink away from the blight of the bejeweled, sci-fi inspired pliers-meet-dog-collar halter of her silvery Costume National gown (and really, who can blame it?). The "Project Runway" knockout has obviously failed to learn from her own show, as she covers up her toned post-pregnancy figure in this poorly conceived dud of a design, which she makes all the worse with meek makeup and crispy, tossed back tresses.

9.'Anatomy' Lesson:

If Nicole Richie failed to convince you that clavicles that can slice lunch meat are the exact opposite of sexy, then behold Ellen Pompeo, whose neckline is so sharp and hollowed out that you could easily lose a quarter in its depths -- and cut your hand trying to fish it out. The crimp-haired and cadaverous "Grey's Anatomy" actress opts to cover up her frail frame beneath an unbalanced, belted Valentino number that is scarily narrow on the bottom and oddly oversized on top. And we're at a loss to explain the lacy bodice decorated with what appear to be several hundred tiny squares of toilet paper, which we guess could come in handy should anyone cut themselves shaving on the red carpet.

10.Purple People Eater:

We wanted to love Michelle Williams' gown. Really. After all, the "Brokeback Mountain" actress and new mom has never looked lovelier, with her flawless alabaster skin, simple, buttery blond locks and bodacious post-baby curves. Alas, her adventurous, high-waisted, many-layered Givenchy confection is just tutu much, overwhelming her figure with tons of tulle and a cacophony of cascading ruffles in competing hues ranging from the cloyingly bright purple of Barney to the subdued plum (organic, of course) preferred by Madonna.

11.Wrong Black Veil:

It's been a tough month for Cynthia Watros, what with that whole guilty plea for driving under the influence thing. Still, that's no reason to let fashion take a backseat (securely belted, of course). The "Lost" actress shuffles onto the red carpet in a precipitously plunging black dress that would be merely blah if not for its truly horrific hemline. The garish, movement-impairing gathering of fabric at her knees seems designed for no other purpose than to make her hips and thighs look as bulbous as possible. As for that veil incongruously sewn onto the bottom of Cynthia's ill-fitting fiasco, it should immediately be returned to the widowed belly dancer from whom it was stolen.

12.Red Harangue:

It's tough to be objective about Geena Davis' red carpet choices. Why? Because her infamous Moulin Rouge-meets-Big Bird ruffled blunder at the 1992 Oscars makes all other sartorial slipups pale in comparison. That said, we're not quite willing to give the towering "Commander in Chief" star a pass on this stiff, satiny, strapless Escada. Not only does the gown's candy apple color clash with Geena's overly teased auburn locks, but its Bedazzled, bralike bodice and multitiered rear add unnecessary heft to her hips and shoulders. In short, this dress is a throwback to another era -- an era when Davis commanded millions of dollars to sword fight and swashbuckle in "Cutthroat Island." Times, thankfully, have changed, and we suggest the resurrected actress change with them by donning some au courant couture.

13.Grin and Wear It:

See that frozen smile on poor Cynthia Nixon's face? It's a look that screams, "Please help me. I was mugged by a band of marauding stylists, who stole all my accessories and forcibly zipped me into this holy mess of a meringue-like maroon tent. I'll do anything -- just get me outta here!" The actress slouches onto the red carpet suffering from a textbook case of the dress wearing the dressee, an affliction that can occur when yards and yards of crinkly, misshapen fabric come in contact with oversized, girlish bows.

以下是引用xiaoguai在2006-1-18 23:36:00的发言：

4.Second-Hand Pose:

Reese Witherspoon was probably inundated with offers from designers desperate to dress her for the Golden Globes. So how the heck did she end up in the same too simple vintage Chanel dress that Kirsten Dunst wore on the Globe party circuit three years ago? Yup, the poised, pretty and perfectly coiffed Reese collected her Best Actress prize for "Walk the Line" in hand-me-down haute couture, a fashion faux pas that's right up there with the socks-and-sandals combo and visible panty line. And although this glittery gold and off-white A-line frock is fun and flirty, it lacks that certain element of class and elegance we've come to expect from the fabulous Mrs. Phillippe.

这个也很夸张。

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-1-19 0:00:25编辑过]

以下是引用游牧爱情在2006-1-19 21:40:00的发言：
DREW那晚的样子，想一次就汗一次~~~还有那个MARAH CAREY！！

同感!