I do have some suggestions: 1 paragraph You can use a better verb or phrase than "goes by", for example, "pop out"? Choose a verb to express your surprise. 3 paragraph The scenery/description is not vivid enough, too bland for me. 4 paragraph The word "we" is too sudden. I suppose you refer to the "who" in the 1 paragraph? There is not enough reference of the person or people you ask for response? Maybe add a paragraph for them? "Blue" and "sad" mean similar feelings. " blue" is a better word than "sad" though if you want to get rid of one of them. I do like your word choices such as recollect and uneasily hesitate, which evoke feelings out of me when I read them.

哇塞，诗有多精彩，楼主就有多无聊
fishbitch 发表于 4/22/2015 1:00:54 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67177886#67177886][/url]

Ha ha, get to the point.

歪哥都有小妾啦？你老婆知道不？


君子如琢 发表于 4/22/2015 1:34:27 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178287#67178287][/url]

You are so humorous, I like it!