Why do I run so much?

I also ask myself.

Everyday starting from 4PM, I become uneasy and begin to
feel the urge to go running. Then I start to rush home, change clothes and head
towards the lake. The moment my feet touch the trail ground, I feel the peace.
Everyday I run for 3 miles.

I know it is because I have been always feeling restless
inside. Going through so many difficult times and still trying to keep a
cheerful mindset is not an easy task. I know I am doing it. I know I have been
strong, independent and capable. I also try to keep myself from becoming
bitter. I know I have been successful in doing all of those things that I have
been asking myself to do. All of the pressure I get from myself or the world
makes me feel restless. The more I am internalizing the pressure, the more I am
asking myself, the stronger urge that I feel to run.

Maybe running symbolizes running away from my unforeseeable
future, my unforeseeable “relationship” with S. Maybe running makes me feel my
life is still moving forward, not being held still. Maybe running makes me feel
that if I can control my breath, I can control my life. Maybe the tiredness
from running finally makes me feel exhausted, sleepy and calm.

Maybe life is just like a never-stopping running.