当我们说性重要时，不是把性拿来和人生的终极意义或者别的有意义的事情作比较。也不是把性能力拿来和赚钱能力，人品拿来对比。

在我看来性代表的不仅仅是两个生殖器官发生接触，而是一个滋生desire，维持desire的一种艺术。性很容易，make love却不是那么容易，保持长期稳定关系里的激情和欲望更是不容易。

如果我们自身在婚姻或long term relationship里，应该重视，尽自己的能力避免把夫妻过程室友和亲人。

我引用esther perel的一段话：“Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is about having; desire is about wanting. An expression of longing, desire requires ongoing elusiveness. It is less concerned with where it has already been than passionate about where it can still go. But too often, as couples settle into the comforts of love, they cease to fan the flame of desire. They forget that fire needs air.”

我觉得这个版块聊的性，准确的说是 art of love-making。

这个作者的背景就是临床心理治疗师，解决亲密关系的问题的，她看了成千上万的couple，想给在情感关系中纠结的人找到一个视角去看love and desire。除了硬核科学外，任何书里的一段话都无法符合整个人类历史的发展，科学角度，人文角度都说得通，还要对所有人都说得通。

如果每本书每句话，每个人说的每句话，都加上for some people，这样的观点也不值得去看了。

可以这样说，如果婚姻没问题的人不会去找她。离婚率出轨率很高的当今社会，愿意去找她的人说明还是希望经营感情的，我觉得她的经验和一手资料，对大众还是有帮助的。她的书卖的很好，讲座也受欢迎，怎样能经营处long lasting healthy romantic relationship是很多人想知道的，所以她的知识有市场。

我很好奇如果让你写本书如何经营长久健康的亲密关系，你给大家的建议是什么？

作者的看法是有的婚姻虽然没散开，但是是死了的，她希望帮助更多人不仅仅是在一起，而是活着的在一起。但是到底啥是死关系，啥是活关系，当然我们可以自己去诠释。

我以为进入了走进科学版😄

from Quora

“Is sex overrated?”

That’s asking for an evaluation of an experience that occurs between the two, or more, people involved in the act. It all depends upon what you were expecting. If you received less than you expected you would probably say that, to you, at that time, with that partner, sex was overrated. If you received more than you expected you would no doubt say that sex wasn’t overrated. All evaluations are relative. An evaluation is simply a comparison.”

[url]https://www.quora.com/What-makes-you-feel-that-sex-is-overrated[/url]

穷光蛋应该是觉得财商和努力overrated 吧