what is wife material?
10 qualities that constitute wife material (according to men)
I want to be clear that this is not about being a good person. It’s about what is marriage-material attractive to men as far as romantic relationships go.
Here’s a summary of what the men I interviewed said…
1. She’s doesn’t need me in any way. She wants me. That’s wife material. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who isn’t afraid of being alone.
2. She lets me chase her instead of chasing me and questioning my every move.
3. She isn’t emasculating. And she feels comfortable being vulnerable with me. We support one each other.
4. Even though I’m not exactly where I want to be in life, she can tell that I’m right where I need to be as far as emotional intelligence and maturity go. And she respects that and sees the value in it. She appreciates that I’ve done the work on myself and because of that, she knows that I will accomplish my goals. She wanted me, supported me, and believed in me when I had nothing.
5. She has control over her emotions and because of this, is not a liability that I have to worry about in any way (in regard to having a lack of tact around people I care about). She is predictable where it matters (integrity, honesty, loyalty, character, etc.) and unpredictable where it’s fun (use your imagination).
6. She isn’t emotionally or physically abusive and doesn’t get off to drama.
7. Whether she’s with me or out with friends, everything she does says “I respect myself and I respect the man I am with.” She conducts herself respectfully on social media and isn’t thirsty for attention.
8. She doesn’t play games but she always provides a mental challenge. I’m never bored. She’s comfortable in her own skin and can take my compliments instead of talking me out of them.
9. She has her own life and because of that, has some grit to her. She isn’t cold, she’s just not afraid to take action.
10. She is completely loyal and gives her all but I know that she WILL leave if the trust and loyalty are not reciprocated. That’s basically the difference between wife material and doormat/booty call material.
Bottom line, everything will turn around when you turn inward. When you stop looking for someone to fix you, rescue you, be your rock, and see in you what can’t see in yourself. Remember, you have the ability to choose how you want to live your life, how healthy you want to be mentally, and how you want to be treated.
And to the right man, that’s wife material.
For those looking for doormat material… they can keep walking.
x Natasha
from: [url]https://natashaadamo.com/wife-material/[/url]
10 qualities that constitute wife material (according to men)
I want to be clear that this is not about being a good person. It’s about what is marriage-material attractive to men as far as romantic relationships go.
Here’s a summary of what the men I interviewed said…
1. She’s doesn’t need me in any way. She wants me. That’s wife material. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who isn’t afraid of being alone.
2. She lets me chase her instead of chasing me and questioning my every move.
3. She isn’t emasculating. And she feels comfortable being vulnerable with me. We support one each other.
4. Even though I’m not exactly where I want to be in life, she can tell that I’m right where I need to be as far as emotional intelligence and maturity go. And she respects that and sees the value in it. She appreciates that I’ve done the work on myself and because of that, she knows that I will accomplish my goals. She wanted me, supported me, and believed in me when I had nothing.
5. She has control over her emotions and because of this, is not a liability that I have to worry about in any way (in regard to having a lack of tact around people I care about). She is predictable where it matters (integrity, honesty, loyalty, character, etc.) and unpredictable where it’s fun (use your imagination).
6. She isn’t emotionally or physically abusive and doesn’t get off to drama.
7. Whether she’s with me or out with friends, everything she does says “I respect myself and I respect the man I am with.” She conducts herself respectfully on social media and isn’t thirsty for attention.
8. She doesn’t play games but she always provides a mental challenge. I’m never bored. She’s comfortable in her own skin and can take my compliments instead of talking me out of them.
9. She has her own life and because of that, has some grit to her. She isn’t cold, she’s just not afraid to take action.
10. She is completely loyal and gives her all but I know that she WILL leave if the trust and loyalty are not reciprocated. That’s basically the difference between wife material and doormat/booty call material.
Bottom line, everything will turn around when you turn inward. When you stop looking for someone to fix you, rescue you, be your rock, and see in you what can’t see in yourself. Remember, you have the ability to choose how you want to live your life, how healthy you want to be mentally, and how you want to be treated.
And to the right man, that’s wife material.
For those looking for doormat material… they can keep walking.
x Natasha
from: [url]https://natashaadamo.com/wife-material/[/url]
teddy_2021 发表于 2021-03-05 16:56
看来大部分女人都不是wife material
不排除这可能性。
我有另外一个瞎猜：可能该楼主听闻过太多 老公在老婆怀孕斋戒没性事时期 就找外援的轶事，所以才开那主题问问过来人的策略。
MeekSarah 发表于 2021-03-05 16:31
用伺候这个词就是吸引眼球， click bait。
Looks, personality, money, degrees, chivalry… these are things that you can’t grow old with. Integrity, character, and emotional availability are immune to the stamp of time. And as you get older, when all of the stuff that you are currently overvaluing has changed and faded…
You’re going to want to be with your best friend.
It’s amazing how attractive someone can become when you give them a chance and get to know them. When you realize that you have a choice to choose a man who is good for you instead of the one who triggers you into a performing circus animal.
How to know if he’s husband material
- He allows you to be yourself.
- You don’t feel like you’re at any risk for him recoiling, ghosting, or judging you when you open up to him.
- He can stand on both emotional, empathetic, financial, and professional feet. He doesn’t need you to be his training wheels.
- He is supportive of your success – not envious, bitter, and covertly competitive.
- Just like your happiness is his, so is your heartbreak.
- He has the same (if not, a better) definition of love, success, monogamy, commitment, communication, and honesty that you do.
- He wants a relationship – not a transaction.
- He doesn’t need to rely on bribery, trickery, tactics or giving mixed signals to get attention.
- He doesn’t equate loving you with dishonoring you.
- He doesn’t equate desiring you with being at a risk for losing you.
- His behavior does not validate that of anyone who has ever hurt you in the past.
- He considers both of you when making decisions – big and small.
- You share a common moral code/values.
- BEFORE you are in a committed, monogamous relationship with him, he respects you just as much and communicates just as clearly.
- He treats animals, children, and the elderly well (without an audience).
- He’s trustworthy.
- He’s not possessive and doesn’t get off to inciting jealousy or drama.
- He doesn’t get a sense of validation by exploiting your need for his.
- He’s confident, not cocky.
- He’s more private than grandiose.
- He’s responsive, not reactionary.
- He doesn’t gossip.
- He’s not social media obsessed.
- His patterns (which are made up of his consistent actions) show how appreciative he is of you.
- He’s not ambiguous. He’s ambitious – emotionally, relationally, and professionally.
- He understands that he’s not always in control.
- He does not have crumbs to throw – only loaves to give.
- You’re not worried about what the status of your relationship is.
- There no anxiety about what he’s doing when he’s not with you.
- Stress-induced nausea associated with dating emotionally unavailable and narcissistic guys isn’t there.
- There’s no age gap when it comes to emotional and empathetic age between you two.
- He doesn’t go around telling everyone how good of a guy he is. He just is.
- He actually wants to be a husband; he wants to get married.
YOU also need to be wife material (my writing is for all genders and orientations so please, sub where you need to here).
We attract what we exude. You can’t expect any of the above things and not be bringing it to the table as well.
I read something once that basically said you don’t become all of the above when you meet the right person. You become all of the above and because of that, you meet the right person.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking that just because you’ve been burned in toxic relationships and are single, you can’t get a good man. It means that you have standards and are selective. Having high standards is a lonely place to be, but it translates to the world that you value your opinion over the opinions of others. It means that you have made the choice to not take the same bullsh*t that you used to take in what never should have been called “a relationship” in the first place. It means that you no longer need attention and validation like you do oxygen. You validate yourself.
You are complete. And when you give a chance to a guy that you never usually would… over time, you’ll see that he is just as complete as you are.
同一作者。看看先生材料对大多数男生是否容易。
人跟人差好多。不过我很怕那种一心想着发财的男人。上床还想着怎么利用你的资源，挺没意思的
人跟人差好多。不过我很怕那种一心想着发财的男人。上床还想着怎么利用你的资源，挺没意思的
cqcq 发表于 2021-03-05 21:42
每个人对 两性互动 的turn on 不一样。我有个女性朋友对 男女出来吃饭还要女方出钱付帐的 很turn-off。
每个人对 两性互动 的turn on 不一样。我有个女性朋友对 男女出来吃饭还要女方出钱付帐的 很turn-off。
MeekSarah 发表于 2021-03-05 23:20
这个我看交情，时间长短。date的话初期男人主动果断付账单比较好，后期如果我也喜欢他我就会用别的方式在钱上“还”回去然后继续约会，如果结婚婚后也是这种齐头并进互相支持的状态。如果不喜欢他就会很快开始AA希望做成普通朋友。
性爱的partner我不图钱不图利，只希望好好纯粹享受性，所以我希望对方对我也是一样，曾经交往过一个小我8岁的动不动姐啊姐的，做完就开始讨论我工作的行业，打听各种问题。之后我就不想睡了。
不想谈实际的事情，只想镜花水月开开心心，聊一首歌一个琴谱一个地点一个场景，我很不喜欢跟partner谈工作挣钱投资什么的，很烦，这些东西自己搞定是成年人起码的能力
能理解，正如第#25楼层裏说的：
How to know if he’s husband material
、、、
He wants a relationship – not a transaction.
我刚刚拿这点问我先生何解？他其中一个实际具体的例子就是举我那位 必须要男人请吃饭 的朋友 另外的一些例子，教我这 Asperger 更能掌握明白到 the difference between reciprocal and transaction in running a relationship. 
人跟人差好多。不过我很怕那种一心想着发财的男人。上床还想着怎么利用你的资源，挺没意思的
cqcq 发表于 2021-03-05 21:42
女人是反过来，下了船开口
女人是反过来，下了船开口
wenxuecity0824 发表于 2021-03-06 10:04
Not me
有点偏题+有点相关。我最近在读一本育儿书，叫做 how to raise a boy
作者里面有一段的看法是，因为社会角色的缘故，男孩子们从大概5，6岁起就被告知他们需要tough up, act like a man，稍大一点的男孩即使与生母亲密依恋有时都会被旁人tease。这导致了男孩在成长过程中，不得不一直带着个面具，学不会正确的释放和表达他们的情感。在这种情况下长大，他们被允许，甚至被鼓励表露的情感就是indifferent and anger。其他任何可能被视作不够男子汉的情感和爱好，包括恐惧，对亲密关系的渴求，等等，都被掩藏了。
作者的观点是，在这种情况下长大的男孩，他的caretaker必须要做好一个relationship manager的角色。不管发生什么情况，不管男孩怎么act out or push you away，永远都是caretaker要take the initiative and reach out to the boy。caretaker的第一要务是manage the relationship，具到的例子就是首先多陪伴，不judge，告知男孩他的迷茫或者行为的根源都是成长阶段的正常反应。然后在这个基础上再倾听男孩的分享，依然不judge。到了男孩相信，不管怎样你都不会离开他，你都会支持他的阶段，才开始influence他在具体行为上做更好的决定。
我读到这一段的时候，觉得relationship manager这里对大男人也很适用，除了成熟点的大男人不会一直要求女人take the initiative to reach out。
trudily 发表于 2021-03-04 23:18
谢谢分享！！！
我不适合这种男人，我是一个很差得 caregiver
其实这种男孩（成年男孩）也可以归类为 mommy's boy 整天把你当妈妈来要求 要求妈妈对他照顾有加 要求妈妈满足他得要求二不考虑你得感受
我觉得我前任就是这样得人
wife material有什么统一的标准，摇滚明星的老婆， 水管工的老婆和哈佛教授的老婆肯定不是类似的材料特质
weee21 发表于 2021-03-04 22:17
哈哈哈 一听这话就知道妹妹是个很聪明得女子
妹妹你有没有遇到过一个男的，你会觉得想要睡他一次，但是不一定要嫁给他的? 应该就是同理吧。 有人和你非常合拍，三观一致，也彼此相爱，但是未必就是你想要的配偶。
aiche 发表于 2021-03-05 08:27
很有道理，呵呵呵
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