------ 續上 #40 樓-----

When I was 7 years old, I craved the same pleasure so much that it motivated me to explore for an alternative method to pleasure myself. The new method of masturbation I discovered was this: I lay down on my tummy on a hard wood bed with a thin layer of soft padding on top. I overlapped both of my wrists and pressed them against the same part of my labia, hard. I shared this method with my first grade girl friend. We did it to each other. One girl would lay on top of the other. Both girls are face down. The girl on the top folds her wrists and tucks them underneath the other girl’s labia to pleasure her. I found that the extra weight on top of me added extra enjoyment. We would take turns pleasuring each other. It was a good thing that my girlfriend only stayed in my neighborhood for one year. By the time we started 2nd grade, she had moved away and we never see each other again. If I met her again today, I would ask her for forgiveness because... I am worried she might think I corrupted her.

From age 8 to 14, I discovered an even stronger sensation. I would open and close my legs to let the hardness penetrate through the soft portion of my labia. Each time my legs opened and closed, I felt the muscles of my labia vibrate and contract with the rhythm of me opening and closing my legs. In the beginning, I was able to control the sensations. I started with a slow pace, progressing faster and faster.The contractions in my labia increased frequency the faster I went. I enjoyed myself immensely. Then, I discovered that pressing my labia deeper and stronger increased the pleasure of masturbation. I later added a rolled up towel on top of my wrists to increase the pressure. The hardness felt wonderful, yet at the same time the softness was comfortable. By that time, I had become a teenager.

As I grew older, I had consumed enough mass media and romance novels to develop a sex context for my masturbation. I fantasied I was the submissive female being dominated by the male. I found these fantasies to be both romantic and erotic.

I don’t remember exactly how old I was, may be 14 or 15 years old when I experienced my first orgasm. It caught on me by surprise. I felt my labia and vaginal muscles became quivering uncontrollably. This vibration totally took control of my body. It continued for a long time after I removed my wrists from between my legs. It went on so long I was concerned that it would never stop. I was scared because I lost my control and I did not know how to stop it. At the same time, I was heart racing, I had no control over my body. I felt vulnerable. My body was bound by a foreign force. If there was a fire in my home, I did not think would have been able to get my body up and run to a safe place. What if any of my family members came home and saw me naked on my bed like I was processed by demon? I was by myself. The down side of masturbation by myself is that I don’t have a trust worthy man beside me in order to protect me and gave me the security to enjoy my climax. At that time, I did not know these experiences had terms like masturbation, orgasm and D/s relationship. I did not know it until I met my Sir.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the climax stopped. It was good that I had the whole afternoon by myself and there was no fire that day. I found out I was safe. I survived. I became more courageous and craved similar experiences. I was looking for ways to be home alone so I could masturbate. 

While masturbating, I had no clothes on. Just panties so it would absorb the wetness from my vagina. I loved to be covered by some bedding material like blanket, sheet, or comforter from shoulder to toes. This is where my memory gets blurry. I would lie down, closed my eyes, relax and make up my own love story. I would quote the text from the novels to arouse myself. When I got really excited I would flip over. Sometimes, I wrapped the sheet or comforter around my body as tight as I could. Sometimes, I put a pillow underneath my body so that it would be easier on my arms and wrists while I pleasured myself.

I had plenty practice for 1 or 2 years.

Then, when I was 16, I decided to follow Jesus.

I wasn’t sure masturbation was right or wrong.

Plus life is getting busier than before so I cut down the frequency of masturbation.

By age 17 I had enough practice that I could made myself orgasm any time I wanted. I could even do it while I am sitting on a hard chair, back straight, lower back leaning forward and my labia naturally press on the hard surface of the chair. I only dared to do this in private. I could not take the embarrassment of reaching climax in public. 

At 19 I stopped masturbating, I had met the man I wanted to marry, my first fiancé. He was romantic and mildly dominant like Sir said. He frequently gave me intense and passionate intimacy every day for 3 months (excluding intercourse. I was saving myself for marriage.) 

After he broke the engagement with me and for the next 19 years, I attempted masturbation a few times but could not achieve climax. I don’t know why I lost the ability to bring myself to orgasm. I don’t know how to get that back. Well, this physical enjoyment is not important to me anymore because I was able to walk out of this addiction. I saw addiction is not good for me. I was a free woman. Until I met Sir. My cravings are stirring up again. I am trying to suppress this desire. 

~ Sarah

语言代表了我们的信念，把自慰看成addiction，可能改变了身体和高潮的关系。

高潮是一种自然反应，饿了就吃了，吃了就会饱，只要不耽误要紧的事，不叫上瘾。

回复 50楼MeekSarah的帖子

语言代表了我们的信念，把自慰看成addiction，可能改变了身体和高潮的关系。

高潮是一种自然反应，饿了就吃了，吃了就会饱，只要不耽误要紧的事，不叫上瘾。

xinchina 发表于 2021-03-16 14:30

如果当时年少的我有缘得到如此sex positive 的正能量信息，我猜想我就不会禁戒掉自淫，反而好好运用此不靠人都能自立管理好自己身心健康的活动。