Chap 7


He is just not that into you if he doesnt want to marry

Just remember this.Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesnt want to get married or doesnt believe in mariage, or has " issue" with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will never be with you.Because he is not really saying he doesnt want to get married. He is saying he doesnt want to ger married to you.There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married.You shouldnt feel ashamed, needy, or "unliberated" for wanting that. So make sure from the start that you pick a guy who shares your views for the future, and if not, move on as quickly as you can. Big plans require big action.

[转帖]<他其实没那么喜欢你> 书摘
　　
　　
　　 Arthur: Greg Behrendt
　　 《欲望城市》首席顾问
　　
　　 男人喜欢你的话，他会让你知道。他会打电话，会出现在你面前，会想见你的朋友，他的一只眼两只手会粘着你不放，等到上床的时机成熟，他不用人提醒，就会急着脱衣服。就算他是在洞四洞洞（就是凌晨四点！）接任美国总统，他都会冲到你面前。
　　
　　 男人其实一点也不复杂，只不过我们喜欢让你们这么想罢了。悲哀的是（也是最尴尬的是），我们宁愿一只手臂伸出公车车窗外而折断也不愿开门见山地告诉你说：“你不是我的真命天女。”
　　
　　 1 要是他不约你出去，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　 2 要是他没打电话，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　跟真正喜欢你的男人在一起，你绝对不会看见自己发狂似的盯着电话，一心盼着电话铃响，你不会看见自己每隔五秒钟就打电话检查语音信箱。
　　 3 要是他不跟你约会，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　 从这页开始，立下重誓，凡是有关你未来的浪漫史，就不容有暧昧空间。不容有灰色地带。不容有无法辩识的关系。不容有说不出口的事情。
　　 4 要是他不跟你亲热，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　 就连辛蒂 克劳馥都会遇上那种“那玩意有什么了不起”的家伙。可是对你不感性趣的男人是打死也不会告诉你这一点的。唉，他们当然会说……他们慌了，累了，病了，心碎了，受伤了，慌了（又一次），要是他哈死了你，要他管好自己的咸猪手都会要了他的老命。唉，说穿了不过就是这么一回事，男人要是没有绞尽脑汁想剥光你的衣服，就是没那么喜欢你。
　　
　　 5 要是他劈腿，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　
　　 可别觉得是你哪里不对，别去背那个十字架。劈腿的人从头到尾都很清楚可能会毁掉一段恋情。要是他瞒着你跟别人上床，那他不只是没那么喜欢你，只怕根本就不在乎你。
　　
　　 6 要是他只在醉时才想见你，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　 他要是喜欢你，会想在判断力正常的时候想见你。
　　 希望你不要把打开僵局的交际手腕误认成真正的亲密关系。
　　 7 要是他不想结婚，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　
　　 爱情能治好承诺恐惧症。切记，凡是跟你约会过的男人，只要说不想结婚，不相信婚姻这一档子事，或是跟婚姻“犯冲”的，早晚铁定会结婚，只不过新娘子不是你。
　　 8 要是他要求分手，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　 从前说分手的男友又找上门来，要求重新开始，这种事既刺激又教人难以抗拒，可是你一定得想办法抗拒。
　　 有个男的说不想跟你在一起，有时这个男的明白他犯下了此生最大的错误，有时候他不明白。不管怎样，你都要继续过日子，而且动作还得快。
　　 9 要是他演出失踪记，他其实没那么喜欢你。
　　 有时候，你得靠自己关门。他走了，天大的好消息，万岁！
　　 10 要是他是有妇之夫，。。。。。。
　　 还有任何其他不伦之恋。你会碰上在疗伤止痛的男人，你会徘徊。至少在我看来，不能无拘无束的爱，就不是真正的爱。
　　

发信人: sunnyy (大家新年快乐啊), 信区: Love
标 题: He Is Just Not That Into You 精粹摘要
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sun Apr 8 03:08:11 2007)

今天偷懒花了六七个小时看完了best-seller “He is just not that into you.” 一
拿起来就放不下手了。因为在书店买的，太贵，打算过两天退了。把喜欢的部分做了些
笔记。顺便跟大家分享一下。有些长，也懒得分清topic，将就着看看，这是非常有意
思的书，也受益良多。里面有着很多女生给男生找的借口，其实说到底都是因为这个男
生is not that into you. 能认识到这个需要勇气，但认识到这个将给我们省了很多烦
恼，不用浪费时间在对你不上心的男生身上。正如作者说的，每个女生都有真正爱你的
一位在等着你，不要放低你的标准。不要放弃你的信念。Don’t waste your beauty
在那些不是真正对你有意的男生身上。这本书真的很有意思也很幽默，角度新颖，让我
豁然开朗，强烈推荐。

[Introduction]

We had excuses for all these men, from broken dialing fingers to difficult
childhoods. In the end, one by one, they were shot down by Greg’s powerful
silver bullet.

All these years I’d been complaining about men and their mixed messages;
now I saw they weren’t mixed messages at all. I was the one that was mixed
up. Because the fact was, these men had simply not been that into me.

Sadly, we (men) would rather lose an arm out of a city bus window than tell
you simply, “you’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or
yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making
excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

A man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you
that he’s just not that into you.

Guys don’t mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it
be a “fu*k buddy” situation or a meaningful romance.

Beware of the word “friend.” It can often be used by men or the women that
love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I am
picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.

Love cures commitment-phobia.

[2]*If he is scared or serious relationship, don't want to have sex with you
, or don't want to get married with you, he is just not that into you.*


Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. “
I don’t want to be in a serious relationship” truly means “I don’t want
to be in a serious relationship with you” or “I am not sure that you’re
the one.” (Sorry.)

If you don’t know where the relationship is going, it’s okay to pull over
and ask.

There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he’s your
boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

If a guy is happy lying around in bed with you eating cookies and watching
old movies, and he’s not gay, then he’s just not that into you.

Cheating is bad. Not knowing why you cheated is even worse. If one red flag
isn’t enough for you, how about two? Don’t date with any man who doesn’t
know why he does things.

Just remember this. Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t
want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with
marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will never be with
you. Because he’s not really saying he doesn’t want to get married. He’s
saying he doesn’t want to get married to you. There is nothing wrong with
wanting to get married. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, needy, or “unliberated
” for wanting that. So make sure fro the start that you pick a guy who
shares your views for the future, and if not, move on as quickly as you can.
Big plans require big action.

[3] * A guy who breaks up with you is not that into you.*

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves. If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants
you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence
to do it in person. If he’s not trying to romance your socks off with dates
, flowers, and poetry, it should only be because he’s too engrossed with
his couples counseling workbooks and is prioritizing getting back on the
right track. If he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss
you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and
let him really know what it’s like to live without you.

Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You’re deeply
missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you.
Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every
day, not to be with you.

Here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: They don’t
break up with you.

It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for
much, much less—even a vague, pathetic facsimile of less—than you would
have ever imagined. Ladies, please, keep your eye on the prize. Remember
always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less. If you
can’t do it for you, do it for everyone else: These guys are able to exist
because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them
naked again.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult
decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with
is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face,
took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no
longer in need of your company. If aliens haven’t recently abducted your
beloved and switched his brain for the brain of a guy who’s really into you
, please consider the option that the bum maybe just got a little lonely.

Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else,
sometimes they get sober (he was drinking excessively), and sometimes he was
just a jerk who you’re lucky to be rid of. It doesn’t matter, because you
cannot change his mind.

Don’t confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away
with your head held high, graciously, and with dignity. Being a doormat is
offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.

Always be classy. Never be crazy. If for not other reason, it will ensure
that you never have that awful memory of cutting his clothes in half or
dumping his dog on the side of the road.

A guy says he doesn’t want to be with you. Sometimes that guy realizes he’
s made the biggest mistake of his life. And then sometimes he doesn’t.
Either way, EITHER WAY, you only job is to move on with your life, and fast.
He can always try to chase you down as you’re running down the block. If
he does, just remember that it will sound like this: “Let’s get back
together.” “Let’s go into counseling.” “Let’s try again.” “I miss
you. I made a mistake. I want to be with you.” Here’s what it won’t sound
like: “Will you walk my dog?” “Just calling to check in.” “Want to see
that movie?” “Will you go to Cousin George’s wedding with me?”

You can’t talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A
breakup is a definitive action, not a democratic one.

Cut him off. Let him miss you.

He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.

There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t
get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

[4] He is just not that into you if he disappears on you, being abusive to
you. And dump those weirdos and jerks.


There’s nothing worse than having no answer, in business, friendships, and
especially romantic relationships. But the bad news is, no answer is your
answer. He may not have written you a good-bye note, but his silence is a
deafening “see you later.” The only reason to ever write him again is to
give him the chance to say it louder, with words. And don’t you remember?
You’re far too busy and popular for that.

Sometimes a person’s behavior is so abhorrent that it leaves little doubt
as to what to do. The big mistake you made was choosing that person to begin
with. The quickest way to rectify that mistake is by learning from that,
moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future. And quick, before
any more of your precious time is wasted.

No answer is your answer.

Don’t give him the chance to reject you again.

Let his mother yell at him. You’re too busy.

People are complicated. They are a mixed bag of lovable and dysfunctional
qualities. That’s why they are so darn confusing. That’s why trying to
figure them out is a waste of time. Is he making you happy? I don’t mean
some of the time, on rare occasions, not that often, “but the good still
outweighs the bad.” Does he make it clear in his actions every day that
your happiness is important to him? If the answer is no, cut him loose and
go find a man with a higher “good count.”

There’s lots of behavior that can be considered abusive that doesn’t
include beaten about the head and neck. That includes getting yelled at,
being publicly humiliated, or being made to feel fat and unattractive. It’s
hard to feel worthy of love when someone is going out of their way to make
you feel worthless. Being told to get out of these relationships may not
work for you. Knowing that you’re better than these relationships is the
place to start. You ARE better than these relationships.

If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure
as death and taxes. The only thing in your control is how long you allow
these gentlemen to take up space in your life. In case you’re not sure, it
should be about ten minutes from when they first display their completely
unacceptable behavior (or lizardlike tail). Ten minutes still gives you time
to put on al your clothes and make sure you have deleted your number from
his cell phone.

[5] Don't let statistics scare you. Have faith in YOUR life!


Being lonely, being alone, for many people, sucks. I get it, I get it, I get
it. But still I have to say that, yes, my true belief is that being with
somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honor the person you are, is
worse.

The statistics are bleak. But don’t use statistics to keep you down or keep
you frightened. You can’t do anything with these statistics except scare
yourself and your girlfriends. So I say, “Fuck statistics.” It’s your
life—how dare you not have faith in it! The only story that has ever helped
me, Greg Behrendt, live my life successfully is the story of faith; I
believe that life will turn out well. More fervently, I believe that you
have no other choice than to believe that. I am writing this book, and women
will be reading it, because we are all tired of operating from a place of
fear. You wan to believe that you are better than all the crap you’ve been
taking from all these men all these years. Well you are. You are an
excellent, foxy human being worthy of love, and the only way you can pursue
that idea is by honoring yourself. At the very least this means ridding your
world of dudes who are not worthy and setting a standard of excellence in
your daily life.

Let’s start with this statistic: you are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I
know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love
so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way
you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first
BELIEVE there’s something better out there. I’ll believe it for you until
you’re ready.

100% if the guys polled said they have never tried to torture or humiliate a
girl they were really into. Well, that’s a start.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. (You have to
be nice to them, too.)

There’s never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent
danger.

Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment.

Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve.

Have faith. What other choice is there?

Only you can know if the relationship you’re in isn’t good enough for you.
A good indication that it’s not is if you’re only staying with What’s
His Name because you’re scared.

By staying with the guy who’s not that into you, you are ensuring that you
’re never going to find one that is.

Shitty relationships make you feel shitty, and that’s not what you were put
on this earth for.

- If you’re spending a lot of time making excuses for your man or thinking about your man, or obsessing, it’s very likely that he’s just not that into you.

- You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time tqieo notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.


- Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster — but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "sex buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves — we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of — and I say this with a lot of love — is how not attracted to you he is.

- All these years, women have been willing to settle for so little and men have been able to get sloppy in their behavior,” divulges Liz. “Hopefully men will become more self-conscious about their actions. If not, at least women can stop hanging onto bad boyfriends, making excuses for relationships that just aren’t there.”

- Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

-“He’s Just Not That Into You” has inspired countless women to take action. According to Liz, “women who read the book have been known to grab their cell phone and delete half the numbers in there! Others have found the strength to end a long term relationship or finally move on after a difficult breakup.”

Share with every female!

He is just not that into you.
我昨天看了一辑欧普拉的聊天节目。请来了一个作家，作家新出版的书叫做：他只是不够喜欢你。在座的听众都是些熟女。欧普拉的开场白是讲自己的故事，说她曾经约会过一个人，她非常喜欢这个男人，但是没有多久之后，这个人对她说：我非常喜欢你，但是我觉得你不够特别。于是和她分手。下面的女生全体哗然。因为这个世界上比欧普拉还特别的女人还真的不多，也许麦当娜算是一个。
作家总结说：其实分手的原因只有一个：他不够喜欢你。
节目中还播放了一段采访。也是一个可以算是什么都有的女人。要样子有样子，要事业有事业。她非常的迷惑，因为一个月前她开始和一个篮球运动员约会。当然女生都很喜欢运动员。之后：这个男人也有发短信，也有发电邮，说觉得她多好多好，美丽，独立，幽默，有趣云云。却一次都没有打电话约会她。她说她很能理解篮球运动员要训练，要比赛，可能并没有空。但是他为什么宁愿花时间传短信，写电邮，都不愿意拨电话呢？如果这个男人不喜欢她的话，为什么不停的说她美，说她好，说喜欢她云云。
作家开始解释，非常精辟：他说，我们男人都有几件衬衣，我们非常喜欢，喜欢颜色，喜欢剪裁，喜欢布料，但是我们就是不穿。
这个女生突然有些难过，忍了忍眼泪说：那我就只是一件衬衣吗？
欧普拉说，听作家讲完。
作家接着说：有人问道，嘿，既然不穿，为什么不扔掉，我们会说，这件衬衣多好，我喜欢这个颜色，我喜欢这个。。。。我喜欢把它挂在衣柜里，但我不会去穿。
为什么呢？
因为我不够喜欢它。
作家的情绪没有太多起伏，只是陈述事实。
我觉得作家讲得很对。这个答案可能是很多事情的解释。
有时候我们说自己忙，说自己懒，说自己犹豫，说自己忘了。
其实真正的原因就只有一个：我不够在意。
所以我想说的是：如果我可以不够在意，我们也必须允许别人不够在意。
所以接受事实。
当他不打电话给你，那是他不够喜欢你。
老板做事情不相信你，那是他不够重视你。
我们能做的事情就是理智而客观的接受这个事实。
也许喜不喜欢不能强求。就像你也会不够喜欢别人一样。
也许重不重视也是因人而异。但是起码不要责怪自己。
他不够喜欢你不是你的错。

He's just not that into you

Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.

The truth may be He's just not that into you.

Unfortunately guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel.

Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you."

He's Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.

Excuses that women have made for their unsatisfying situations.

I'm getting sleepy, it's hot, I'm going down for a nap. When I wake up from that nap I'll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking control of his life.

But at this point it seems like he's just not that into you.

不在于怎么认识到这一点，只是怎么能够说服自己

1. Companionship is wonderful, but companionship with sex is even better. Call a spade a spade or, more fittingly, a friend a friend, and go find yourself a friend that can't keep his hands off you.

2.If you are tempted to spend countless nights just cuddling with someone, buy a puppy.

3. "Doesn't want to get married" and "Doesn't want to get married to me" are very different things. Be sure about which catefgory he falls under.

4 Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

5. There's never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent danger.

6. You already have one asshole. You don't need another.

7. Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

8. Have faith. What other choice is there?

9. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment.

第一章 ---- " He's just not that into your if he's not asking you out,

because if he likesyou, trust me, he will ask you out "



Quote 1: If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.



Quote 2: "give me a call." "Email me." "Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime." Don't let him trick you into asking him out. When men wants you, they do the work.I know it sounds old school, but when men like women, they ask them out.



Quote 3:We know women are capable of running governments, heading MNCs, and raising loving children -- sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.



Excuse 1: the "maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship" excuse



Excuse 2: the "maybe he's intimidated by me" excuse



Excuse 3: the "maybe he wants to take it slow" excuse



Excuse 4: the "but he gave me his number" excuse



Excuse 5:the "maybe he forgot to remember me" excuse



Excuse 6: the "maybe I don't want to play games" excuse



第二章 ---- " He's just not that into you if he's not calling you,

Men know how to use the phone. "



Quote 1:With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to.



Quote 2: Baring disaster - someone had to be rushed to the hospital, he was just fired from his job, -- he should never forget to call you. If I like you, I don't forget you, ever. Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you



Quote 3:So if a guy you're dating doesn't call when he says he's going to, why should that be such a big deal Because you should be dating a man who's at least as good as his word.



Quote 4: The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction.



Excuse 1:the "but he's been traveling a lot" excuse



Excuse 2: the "but he's got a lot on his mind" excuse



Excuse 3: the "he just says things he doesn't mean" excuse



Excuse 4:the "maybe we're just different" excuse



Excuse 5: the "but he's very important" excuse



第三章 ---- " He's just not that into you if he's not dating you,

"Hanging out" is not dating. "



Quote 1:Beware of the word "friend." It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior.



Excuse 1:the "he just got out of a relationship" excuse



Excuse 2: the "but we really are dating" excuse



Excuse 3: the "it's better than nothing" excuse



Excuse 4:the "but he's out of town a lot" excuse



第四章 ---- " He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you,

When men like you, they want to touch you, always. "



Quote 1:Even Cindy Crawford has dudes that go, "I don't know what the big deal is all about".



Quote 2:A month This should be the time when he's getting comfortable enough to bring up the subject of outfits, positions, lotions, and anal.



Quote 3:Pets are God's way of saying: Don't lower the bar because you're lonely.



Quote 4: The old-fashioned idea is that women withhold sex when they want power. It seems like men can play that game too.



Quote 5: The Egyptians painted pots about it, the yogis write books about it, the Jews made religious laws about it. They all believe that one of the strongest ingredients to a healthy union is SEX.



Excuse 1:the "he's afraid to get hurt again" excuse



Excuse 2: the "he's so into me that now he's not" excuse



Excuse 3: the "but it still feels so good" excuse



Excuse 4:the "multiple excuses" excuse

不管男女，这种人都不太喜欢～～

呵呵，这个Greg一针见血啊，喜欢！