感慨你们之间可以如此公开的谈这些。不然你们也许做不到完全接受对方。想到这句话给你们：you complete each other or you match each other perfectly

QianShuiDe 发表于 2021-03-03 14:38

Yes, 用中文的一句：「天作之合」。

很感谢你花资源来阅读理解出 我们 经营的夫妻关系 有这么深层面的，而不只有性爱 。

我先生告诉我：性只是用来抒发 爱情 的其中一个渠道，但不是全部。

看完了，谢谢你的分享。结合最近在看的love on the spectrum我觉得你和你老公真的是很幸运遇到彼此

很喜欢这句：

If you confine a person with judgement and prejudice how can they grow? Why would they grow with someone who constrains them?

trudily 发表于 2021-03-03 14:31

你喜欢的那句，以我个人经营两段婚姻的经验来做个 data point: 

这策略挺管用的。这策略使我成功打开前夫和我先生 的心扉。

前夫, 要take me long time, 婚后差不多 10年才开始让他放心与我一起看一部性爱 R-rate 电影。了解到他被电影中女优的淫叫声 turn-on. 我之後刻意模仿，但只落得 東施效顰 的負面果效。

先生，结婚头几个月就已经可以擁抱著我一起看电影 "The Story of O" , "Secretary" ，他最喜欢的 pornstar AV。我两边看边分享指出电影情节中那些合自己性味的。边看边感觉到他的手在我身上下漫游。电影最终要分几个回合来看完。因为当中他已经发现我很湿润。他干脆盖上电脑来完成他现实中亲手开的片头。

The beginning of this journey starts with depression. I had had several major set backs in my life. Job loss, economic collapse, moving to a smaller house and so on. All of these, combined with my cyclic depression patterns, launched me into the worst depression of my life. My depression lasted over a year and was effecting all aspects of my life: My marriage, family, job, weight & health.

I decided to try therapy again. I have not had good experiences with therapy in the past. As a teen my parents forced me to go to therapy. I did not want to go so the sessions were tense and unproductive. In my late 20s, after a failed engagement, I went back into therapy. Some progress was made but it ended abruptly when my therapist tried to get me in bed with her. Not good experiences to say the least.

Now, 20 years later I decided to try again. I suffer from PTSD. So I did some research this time and was referred to a therapist who specializes in PTSD and depression. We made good progress in the sense that I better understood my depression and the root causes. We didn’t make much progress in healing my depression. I realized that the healing was only something I could do. No amount of talking with a therapist was going to do that for me.

I stopped going to therapy and forced myself to do what was necessary. The keys to healing depression are not complex. They are just difficult to do when you are depressed. The keys for me are:

*socialization - interact with people, don’t isolate myself

*sleep - getting a good night sleep improves my outlook

*stay positive - one of the reasons I stopped therapy was I felt I was just rehashing the miserable parts of my past.

*stay in the now - don’t dwell on the past. Don’t worry about the future. Enjoy the now.

*exercise - I hate this one. But I have managed to talk walks during my lunch break and start using the stairs instead of the elevator at work.

As part of my need to socialize, I quit my current job. There were only 5 people in the company and we didn’t socialize at all. A friend of mine offered me a job at his company. I decided to take it, not because the work was flashy or exciting, but because there are a lot of people at his company. I figured I would be able to socialize more during my work day.

The new job, combined with the bullet points above made a huge difference. I started climbing out of my depression and life was looking better for me. I made new friends. I enjoyed the company of my coworkers. Life was good.

Then I saw Sarah for the first time、、、、

“kitten”，这昵称，在未认识我先生之前，我从来不知其 褒义。还以为是男性挑逗女性的一种很不尊重的称呼。

是我先生告诉我 其褒义。

我问我先生对他以前的女人们有甚么 昵称？

他说：「sweetie」

我说：“那以后不要叫我 「sweetie」，要叫 昵称 就叫我 ‘kitten’ 好了。”

这就是我的心态平行法吧。 跟一个有许多前度的男人 经营一段细水长流的关系也有它的 一本难念的经。

惊讶于还有这么不专业不道德的therapist

真的是！也听说过几个做婚姻辅导的（marriage counselor），辅着辅着，病人/客户的家就倒了。还有把客户辅导成自己伴侣的。

楼主MeekSarah的先生悟出来的几点（bullet points），最后帮助他走出Depression，对我也挺有帮助的，虽然我觉得自己现在没有Depression。

惊讶于还有这么不专业不道德的therapist

trudily 发表于 2021-03-05 09:56

缺乏职业操守的人是存在的。

我先生曾经遇到一家公司的高层管理的人们缺乏职业操守，他怀疑其公司运作上非法，他选择不同流合污辞职。大老板请他到他的豪宅裏 盛宴佳酒款待，饱暖后遥望日落美景，闲聊中 向他offer条件：「请给我一个你会选择留下来的价钱。」

我先生 个人的观点取向是 如此 sort out this information: 那公司的高层管理人是知道 运作上非法的，就是需要一个职位够高的来在运作上签名吃死猫，但又没有 那些更高层管理人职位那么高，可以用 不知为无罪来逃过法律惩罚。

果真，我先生辞职后几个月，就看到 顶那职位的人被 逮捕坐牢了。

情绪上的自觉能力越高，越可以 预防或 并向钱中医。我先生在自觉这方面挺有能力的。

让我借这层楼卖个关子：我会在楼下上载 我先生的 journal：Flashback - Seeing Sarah for the First Time

我來到他的生命中 大大的改善了他 的忧郁症。

他由认识我那年， 每天吃5种忧郁症药。 到后来搬来与我同住 的那年， 已经成功的减掉所有 忧郁症药。

完全不吃药 也能管理好他的忧郁症。

他贯彻始终地肯定我：我是good for him.

(1/3)

I had been at my job for a little over one week when I first saw her. I was in a team meeting. The room was large with a conference table almost as large. People surrounded the table sitting in chair, standing along the walls and hanging in the doorway. I was sitting at the head of the table listening to my manager drone on on and about something. He started asking people questions. One of the questions was directed as Sarah. I had not seen her before. She was sitting at the opposite side of the table off to the left. Her position left her hidden from my view by other co-workers. When it was her turn to speak the man sitting to her right rolled his chair back a little and I was able to see her for the first time.

(2/3)

I was immediately struck by her poise. She was sitting in her chair with perfect posture and her hands folded gracefully in her lap. Her dark hair was up in a very professional bun. Her blouse was shear but she was wearing a tight white shirt underneath. Her skirt was an ankle length, flowing summer skirt. All in all a proper lady. Pretty and attractive with hardly any skin visible. Graceful. My interest piqued immediately.

(3/3)

Sarah, with her slow grace, turned to face our manager and began to answer his question. I cannot recall the topic or what she said. I do strongly remember the sound of her voice. It was smooth, demur with an endearing accent. She was obviously not raised with English as her first language. As I listened to her voice, I studied her face. She has a lovely round face with high cheekbones, beautiful brown eyes and perfect pink lips. She is beautiful.

若有兴趣接续内容请到以下表题：馨情蜜思 第三楼层 继续 、、、Flashback - First Encounters

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