哇塞，诗有多精彩，楼主就有多无聊

哇塞，诗有多精彩，楼主就有多无聊
fishbitch 发表于 4/22/2015 1:00:54 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67177886#67177886][/url]

这位这么戳心窝的话你也直言出来😊

英文写真不容易的， 赞一个

这首诗不出意料未来会成为世界名诗，我妾以为。
pwwp 发表于 4/22/2015 11:14:35 AM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67176497#67176497][/url]

歪哥都有小妾啦？你老婆知道不？

歪哥都有小妾啦？你老婆知道不？


君子如琢 发表于 4/22/2015 1:34:27 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178287#67178287][/url]

越是这种嘴巴上花的，其实最老实，也就是嘴巴上讨个便宜

这是专业挖坑来的吗 哈哈

哈哈，我也是就注意到这个小“妾”啦，歪哥英文诗写的中文都退步了

歪哥都有小妾啦？你老婆知道不？君子如琢 发表于 2015-04-22 13:07 下午 [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178287#67178287][/url]

I do have some suggestions: 1 paragraph You can use a better verb or phrase than "goes by", for example, "pop out"? Choose a verb to express your surprise. 3 paragraph The scenery/description is not vivid enough, too bland for me. 4 paragraph The word "we" is too sudden. I suppose you refer to the "who" in the 1 paragraph? There is not enough reference of the person or people you ask for response? Maybe add a paragraph for them? "Blue" and "sad" mean similar feelings. " blue" is a better word than "sad" though if you want to get rid of one of them. I do like your word choices such as recollect and uneasily hesitate, which evoke feelings out of me when I read them.

哇塞，诗有多精彩，楼主就有多无聊
fishbitch 发表于 4/22/2015 1:00:54 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67177886#67177886][/url]

Ha ha, get to the point.

歪哥都有小妾啦？你老婆知道不？


君子如琢 发表于 4/22/2015 1:34:27 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178287#67178287][/url]

You are so humorous, I like it!

这还用问吗。。。。必须刹车啊。。。。灵车来了必须让，否则要吃罚单的！

真是好湿啊。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。没想到LZ这么有文采。。。。

我也好奇这个，精彩也是你自己加的？


storybrooke 发表于 4/22/2015 12:58:49 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67177856#67177856][/url]

当然了，别人又不给我加精彩。

英文写真不容易的， 赞一个
brandnewvest 发表于 4/22/2015 1:33:50 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178283#67178283][/url]

英文的确实难度大得多，不像中文的张嘴就来。 不过touch heart的那一刻，灵感来了，也挡不住。。

哇塞，诗有多精彩，楼主就有多无聊
fishbitch 发表于 4/22/2015 1:00:54 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67177886#67177886][/url]

这是多么严肃的性灵体验啊，多么唯美的精神愉悦啊。。。

歪哥都有小妾啦？你老婆知道不？


君子如琢 发表于 4/22/2015 1:34:27 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178287#67178287][/url]

早有啦。。。很奇怪的一个姓： 左 ！

越是这种嘴巴上花的，其实最老实，也就是嘴巴上讨个便宜
冰是睡着的水 发表于 4/22/2015 1:56:00 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178574#67178574][/url]

me no老实， me no 老实啊！
me no 机会，me no 机会啊！

I do have some suggestions:
1 paragraph
You can use a better verb or phrase than "goes by", for example, "pop out"? Choose a verb to express your surprise.

3 paragraph
The scenery/description is not vivid enough, too bland for me.

4 paragraph
The word "we" is too sudden. I suppose you refer to the "who" in the 1 paragraph? There is not enough reference of the person or people you ask for response? Maybe add a paragraph for them?

"Blue" and "sad" mean similar feelings. " blue" is a better word than "sad" though if you want to get rid of one of them.

I do like your word choices such as recollect and uneasily hesitate, which evoke feelings out of me when I read them.
servien 发表于 4/22/2015 2:11:02 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178826#67178826][/url]

非常感谢您的点评， 嗯，这才是我想要的！ 英文写，肯定不如中文来的那么如意，这是。。。 你说的有道理。 不过goes by 有种缓缓和静谧的神秘感， pop out 破坏了这种神秘色彩。 blue是忧郁的意思多了， sad是悲伤。 其实这个blue是一语双用， 和前面白云遥相呼应， 有蓝天的意思。。 所谓情景融合。。。

evoke feels, touch heart, 那就说明是一首好的作品。。。谢谢！

这还用问吗。。。。必须刹车啊。。。。灵车来了必须让，否则要吃罚单的！
Cumberbitch 发表于 4/22/2015 2:14:14 PM [url=http://forums.huaren.us/showtopic.aspx?topicid=1816277&postid=67178886#67178886][/url]

我还专门查了灵车驶过时的礼仪，各个地方好像不全一样。

想起了电影野草莓，有一幕男主看见灵车经过见到了casket里的自己